Thursday, June 26, 2008

Millionaires in Singapore

77,000 Millionaires in Singapore

Singapore now has 10,000 more millionaires, an increase 15.3 percent over that of 2006. This represents 1.7 percent of the population here according to The Straits Times on 26 June 2008.

Singapore's 77,000 millionaires made it one of the top 10 fastest growing millionaire clubs in the world after India, China, Brazil, South Korea, Indonesia and Slovakia. The average wealth of a Singapore high net worth individual was US$4.9 million compared to the global average of US$4.04 million. Assets counted exclude person's main residence.

The World Wealth Report was compiled by Merrill Lynch and the research firm, Capgemini.

Millionaires in SingaporeAnd now for the really serious stuff.....
We tried to contact these new fat cats (towkays) but they refused to speak to us. So we cannot tell you exactly how they got so rich, so fat, so fast. Anyhow, we have spoken to our Wealth Creation Advisers and they said that these very big fat cats probably got a very good big lobang (an incredibly sexy time opportunity).

For those of you who want to get a very good big fat lobang, like these stuck up towkays, here are the Top 11 Ways you can definitely maybe get  Really Rich, Really Fast (remember we said "maybe").

Top 11 Incredible Ways You Can Be A Millionaire (and maybe even a Zillionaire) in Singapore:

  1. Be an Ah Long (Loan Shark) as the casinos here will open in two years time and people will need lots of money to gamble;
  2. People Trafficking - to help people who are unable pay the Ah Longs to skip town fast.
  3. Start the first chain of Bubble Gum Kiosks in Singapore;
  4. Set up a Used Condom Collection Center and export them to Malaysia where they will be made into cheap bubble gum;
  5. Join forces with movie maker Jack Neo and make movie sequels "Money No Enough 3" and "Ah Long 2";
  6. Sell Pets genetically engineered to die young for people who don't like long term commitments;
  7. Sell Marriage Insurance Policies which will cover the cost of the divorce, just in case the marriage turns belly up;
  8. Revive the Bubble Tea Craze;
  9. Set up a Marriage Match Making Service where millionaires can meet other millionaires and create millionaire offspring brats which we will proudly defend with our lives (maybe);
  10. Create a Scam which claims that people can legitimately become millionaires overnight by following the advice of an investment guru who is as smarter than Warren Buffet;
  11. Speculate in property by kicking out those sweet old deadbeats who don't want to move out of their much loved old apartments (Go En-Bloc);
  12. Get elected in the Singapore General Elections, become a Minister and in the process become a Millionaire overnight.  Foreigners are welcomed to apply after fast tracking into the Citizenship process.
This song is dedicated to the super-rich who have become obscenely-rich:

JIBABAN 一百萬 ( If I Had) One Million Dollars 1 Million Dollars JI PA BAN Hokkien Song Parody about everyman's dream to be rich and ultimately to be rewarded with a empty existence if the person is superficial.

Singapore is uniquely the land where there is equal opportunities for everybody - especially foreigners. You can be a disgustingly rich fat cat towkay (millionaire) if you hire cheap foreign talent and fire the rest. - Kok - millionaires in Singapore

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